


When Your Husband is Hands-Off and Nobody Understands That

by Thorki_ed



Series: Laufey's Greatest Treasure [4]
Category: The Avengers (2012), Thor (Movies)
Genre: Crack, DOLLED UP LOKI, Jotunn!Loki, M/M, Marriage, Wedding, tons of flirty flirting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-06-28
Updated: 2012-06-28
Packaged: 2017-11-08 18:16:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,686
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/446093
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Thorki_ed/pseuds/Thorki_ed
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When you wed someone sexy, beware of the pawing. This is how Loki and Thor deal with it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	When Your Husband is Hands-Off and Nobody Understands That

**Author's Note:**

> So this was very non-graphic and all cracky since my last chapter was 2.700 words of smut. Again, that last chapter has nothing to do with the plot really, so here we go!

The big day was arriving. Ever since Loki's announcement in the great hall, Jotunheim had been buzzing with excitement, preparing for the grandest wedding to have ever taken place in all the realms. Really, it wasn't every day that two kings got married.

Thor had of course sent word to Asgard, not that it mattered. All the realms had heard the news by now, and it was pleasantly surprising how delighted everyone was.

That morning, Loki had ordered Thor to his own quarters as it was tradition that they not see each other prepare. Surprise was an important element, of course. Reluctantly, Thor made his way out of the room, having the guards escort him because he didn't actually know where his room was (oops).

After his much-needed shower, he found a platter of food across his bed, all of which was absolutely scrumptious. There were fresh clothes folded neatly beside the platter, and his old ones had vanished, probably to be taken somewhere to be washed. Loki had left him instructions to prepare his vow and look decent. That was all he had to do. So taking quill to parchment, he scribbled everything that came to mind. But then he wondered what he would wear to the ceremony. And then he wondered when his parents would arri-

"Thor, darling!" Frigga's voice as sharp as the rapping on his door. He chuckled to himself, pleasantly surprised by his mother's presence.

He opened the door for his parents, who had arrived along with the Warriors Three and Sif, all with smiles on their faces. 

"Congratulations!" they all bellowed, completely out of a sync and sounding like a bad orchestra. His mother was the first to pull him into a big hug, and of course nobody objected. She had talked their ears off on the way here. His father gave him a short, tight embrace, offering his many blessings that the two would unite all the kingdoms. Sif and Fandral each took a side of Thor, congratulating them, although Sif was a little jealous that he and Loki were able to get married so quickly while her own wedding was taking so long to plan. Volstagg lifted Thor up, crushing him in a tight hug before turning them both and all but dropping him at Hogun's feet. Even Hogun cracked a smile, shaking Thor's hand with a hard grip.

"Jotunheim has changed much since we were last here. I am pleased," Sif said.

"Aye, Loki has done many things for his land. For all our lands," Thor responded. He ushered them into his large chambers before telling them of Loki's trips to the other realms and their sworn allegiance. The others looked on in awe, particularly Odin. 

"He has done what no other has..."

"Something that others have dreamed of, really. I am so proud of him!" Frigga's tears were shining in her blue eyes as she started pulling out items from an oversized bag.

They talked for a little while longer, Thor asked Sif and Fandral of their wedding, his father of Asgardian court, his mother of the talk amongst the people, Hogun and Volstagg about their training and they asked him question upon question of Loki and Jotunheim and how their engagement came to be.

Thor of course explained the whole story, swearing he could see tears in everyone's eyes when he spoke of how Loki denied him initially on the bridge, hoping to protect them both. When he tried to explain how Loki first looked in Jotun form, he found that he couldn't find the right words because "beyond beautiful" was not close enough. This time, Frigga and Sif really did cry as the sweetness of it all. When he got to the part of how Loki had tricked Thor into openly asking for his hand in marriage in front of Laufey, everyone laughed.

"Always a sneaky one!"

"How clever!"

And before long, hours had gone by and he still wasn't ready. His nerves were causing him to be jumpy, and he rushed to explain that he had no idea what the Jotun customs were. Frigga soothed him by assuring him that Loki would of course be there to guide him through everything, and fussed about him as he got dressed. The others had made their way to the hall already, to insure they had close enough seats.

Frigga was more prepated than Thor was, bringing along all the necessary traditional wear for an Asgardian king on his wedding day. As Frigga straightened out every inch of Thor's royal garments, bits of metal and leather, silk and cotton, Thor recited his speech in his mind over and over again, the paper trembling in his hands. When Frigga perfectly pinned his cape in place, there was a knock.

Thor nearly jumped out of his robes, leaving Frigga to open the door for the guards. It was time.

It was time.

_It was time._

Thor, who had gone to battle countless of times fearless and returned always victorious, was trembling in his ridiculously over-adorned boots.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

The hall was erupting with noise when Thor entered. Everyone had ceased their chattering for two seconds before swivelling around to face him. He made his way down the red carpet that had been laid out for him, and the Jotnar all bowed to one knee and chanted something that Thor couldn't understand. He noticed that one fist lay over their heart while the other was planted firmly on the ground. Their chanting didn't stop until Thor reached the foot of the throne that stood at the other end of the room. Loki was nowhere in sight, and Thor shifted restlessly from one foot to the next. His family and friends all sat in the first row closest to him, shooting him reassuring smiles, which Thor tried to return. He fiddled with the necklace that Loki had given him the night of their engagement-for-world-peace night, and ran his fingers over the lines of Loki's sigil. This was really happening. His robes felt heavy on him, the layers of fabric almost suffocating him, because he couldn't stand this any more, standing by himself at the the foot of throne with all eyes upon him. _Please, Loki, please, please._

The doors flung open once more and Loki made his appearance. He could hear the low murmurs and gasps of the crowd above the chanting of the Jotnar, who were again bowed down. He admitted to being part of that gasping. Loki was in his Jotun form, radiating beauty and grace, and was adorned in gold jewellery, thick golden bands snaking up his arms, a solid armlet across his right bicep with anceint runes inscribed upon it. He wore a thin golden diadem that curved into a V between his eyebrows, the rest covered by his luscious black hair that he had pulled over, still tucked behind his ears. He wore a sleeveless deep green tunic of smooth material that shone in right light and plunged to his belly button, with the golden shoulder plates and criss-cross present from the coronation. He wore a regal fur drape that would have been considered scandalously short had it been on anyone else, but Loki radiated power and with it, the right to wear something so damn skimpy to a wedding. Thor loved him, he really did, but he would've loved to have the chance to curse Loki for getting him even hotter underneath all his armour. Why did Loki get all the luxury? And then Thor realized, this _was_ Loki's armour. But what Thor had to love most was the only piece of silver upon him - the present that Thor had given that started all this madness. He looked on proudly as his sigil was visible for everyone to see against Loki's cobalt blue chest.

With each stride Loki took, murmurs grew louder and louder, and Thor could hear praises of how wonderful he looked. Laufey followed behind his son, eyes focused on Thor. Thor gulped under the scrutiny. After what seemed like a decade, Loki reached the bottom of the stairs. He turned around and bowed at the waist to his father, who in return (to the surprise of everyone except the Jotnar) bent down on one knee, and bowed. When he rose to his feet, he cupped Loki's face in both hands before muttering in their native language. His blessings. With a smile, son and father departed, leaving Loki to walk the remaining steps and turn to look into the eyes of his beloved.

Karnilla, Queen of the Norns, was present to wed them herself. When she spoke of Loki's great feat of unity, the crowd erupted into cheers of different kinds, which is when Thor really got a good look at the audience. He was almost shocked to see Malekith, Dark Elf from Svartalfheim cheering alongside Faradei, Light Elf from Alfheim, who was crying from delight. Unbelievably enough, Eitri, the most famous dwarf blacksmith from Nidavellir handed Faradei a handkerchief. Loki had indeed worked wonders during his time on Jotunheim.

When she asked for them to exchange their vows, she indicated Thor first. He swallowed nervously before hesitantly taking the note from his pocket. It was scrunched up from his constant unravelling of it to look it over, and he felt rather silly holding it now. He couldn't read his own scribbles at this point anyway, some of the ink smeared by sweat. He shook his head, placed it back into his pocket and spoke.

"For as long as I can remember, you have been there for me. When we were young, I thought that you would be all I could ever need, the idea of leaving you for a maiden and family seemed ludicrous to me when we were having so much fun together." The audience chuckled, especially his mother. "It is now that I realize those two paths never need to be separate." He paused to regain his breath. "I swear to you that I will love you beyond the end of time, even if the worlds burn around us, even if the roots of Yggdrasil crumble, even if death chases me at my heels, I will find a way back to you." The audience was quiet except for the sporadic sniffling and soft wailing of Frigga.

"And I swear, that you will never have to. I will never leave your side, and if the worlds burn around us, I will keep us beneath, if the roots of Yggadrasil crumble, I will keep us afloat, and if death chases you at your heels, I will run alongside you. You will never have to find a way back... Because I vow to always be with you."

At this point, everyone was near tears. Even Malekith, which was saying a lot. 

Karnilla herself had to steady her breath as she sealed their marriage.

"Do you, Thor Odinson, take Loki to be your wedded husband in the presence of friends and family. Do you vow that you will do everything in your power to strengthen your commitment and love each and every day? Will you stand by him in sickness or in health, and keep yourself to him alone as long as you both shall live?"

"I do," Thor said without a moment's hesitation.

"And do you, Loki Laufeyson, take Thor to be your wedded husband in the presence of friends and family. Do you vow that you will do everything in your power to strengthen your commitment and love each and every day? Will you stand by him in sickness or in health, and keep yourself to him alone as long as you both shall live?"

"I do," Loki responded, equalling Thor in restlessness.

"You may kiss your husband," she said with a small smirk, referring to them both. With wide smiles, they happily obliged and the room thundered with cries of joy and whoops of delight. 

When they tasted each others' tears, they finally broke apart, smiling so widely it hurt. Thor wiped his tears away before wiping away Loki's as well. 

"I love you," he whispered.

"And I love you," Loki whispered back.

They prepared for the night's long ceremony with an odd collection of guests.

 

~

"Did you know, that I've read _all_ of your collections. Your work is brilliant!" a sinfully velvet voice said from Loki's right.

"Yeah! I was so devastated when I heard you had left Asgard..." a higher-pitched one said from Loki's left.

"Uhm..."

"We've been practicing your spells for _ages_ but we just can't seem to get them right!" the younger one said, her blue eyes twinkling as her fiery red hair spilled over her shoulders.

"Personally, I think it's because your spells are so complex, they need very skilled and practiced hands..." Her green eyes were lighter than his, but they shone with mischief all the same.

"LOKI!"

"Oh dear, I think my husband may be calling me," he said, trying to wave the girls off.

"But darling, we were just getting to know you..."

Thor's footsteps could have caused earthquakes the way he was marching over.

"But perhaps that can wait!" squeaked Lorelei, tugging Amora behind her.

 

~

 

"My, my, your muscles are rather _impressive_ , I must say..." the Valkyrie purred as she stroked her fingers up and down Thor's bicep.

The next thing she knew, she was drenched in mead and her dress had turned a hideous shade of neon pink to clash with her honey eyes, and half of her hair seemed to just be missing. She fled immediately in a huff.

~

 

"Has anyone ever told you that your eyes are the most precious jewels I have ever seen, burning brighter than any fire I've ever seen?" 

"GET AWAY FROM MY HUSBAND!"

Faradei leaped off his stool and ran for cover before Mjolnir came flying at his head.

 

~

 

"Malekith! My husband's lap is NOT a pillow!" 

"But his thighs are sooooooooooo -oof!"

Flipping over an entire bench is just _one_ way of forcing a sneaky elf off your too-buff-for-his-own-good husband. Jotnar strength was really underestimated nowadays.

 

~

 

"May I have this dance?"

"Oh, I don't see why not."

Grinning, Eitri pulled Loki onto the dancefloor and immediately placed his hands on those elegant, perfectly rounded hips. Snuggling into Loki's lower _lower_ abdomen, he hummed contently as they swayed to the soft song.

When the crowd quickly parted, Eitri opened his eyes to see a red-faced Thor headed their way.

"Uh, I think I better go!" he parted with Loki too quickly for his liking and stumbled off, but not before giving him a nice pat on the behind.

"Oh!" Loki said in surprise.

"EITRIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!" Thor's voice was also really underestimated.

 

~

 

When the ceremony had finally dwindled, and most of the guests had returned home, Loki and Thor excused themselves out of pure exhaustion. The evening had been tiresome, and the mead didn't help with the obvious flirtation from their guests. As they quickly stripped themselves of all the royal gear, comfortable in their own skin, Loki got right down to business - about Midgard.

"Let's go see what they have to offer," Loki suggested. "And I hear they make amazing delicacies that we could never find on Jotunheim or Asgard."

"You're going there for food?"

"No, for allegiance. And food. And when have you ever said no to food?"

Loki had a point there. 

"Besides, once we've united all nine realms, we can make a game out of how many realms we've done it in."

"Done it -" Upon seeing Loki's trademark mischievous grin he knew. "Oh."

With a wink, Loki slipped his arms around his _husband_ and started walking backwards, leading the taller man to bed.

"And you know, Midgardians have this lovely tradition of a 'honeymoon' that I think you'd like very much."

"Oh?"

Loki whispered sensually into Thor's ear.

"Oh!" Thor flushed. "Oh, my. I think I would like it very much. Let's go to Midgard."

They settled in for the night, with Loki curled into Thor's burly arms, leaving Thor smiling at the fact that Loki stayed in his Jotun form that night.


End file.
